As some of you may be aware, I spent a good deal of time in Southern California during 2008. Our most recent trip was two weeks and total on the year I spent 3 months in the golden state. Now I am well aware and agree that California has many positive aspects relative to other locations and Hollywood along with the mass media do a good enough job promoting them without my help. So this top ten post is about the things I DO NOT enjoy about precious SOCAL. ( I realize that about half of my readers currently or at one time lived in California. Please take your sensitive, easily offended hats off now and read on:)
10. "Best Doughnuts" of Manhattan Beach. Your French Cruellers have been the source of more eating remorse and self loathing than I care to recall. (truth: I would eat a box right now if I had one. Oh sweet french pastries made by kind immigrant americans).
9. Locals complaining about winter weather a balmy 68 degrees or the devilish Santa Ana winds. Seasons do have an upside... it's called a reality check.
8. The amount of beach walking dog lovers displaying obscene degrees of PDA. I even saw some toy poodles being wheeled around like babies in a $700 stroller. I'm like, "Dude I get it. You are too career focused & selfish to create a lasting relationship with a human being. So you bought those things and dress them up to fill the void. Good luck with that."
7. The prop 8 circus.
6. Having to figure out how to drive while talking on the cell phone while not looking like I am talking on the cell phone (For those non-Californians who are unaware, it is illegal). Although I did get an adrenaline rush every time I did it. On one exchange my caller asked "ummm. why are you breathing so heavy?" and I'm like "hey...inhale/exhale... I am watching... inhale/exhale... out for the FUZZ!"
5. My sweet wife asking me weekly, "Soooo when are we going to go to Disneyland? I was thinking Tuesday day, Thursday night, and all of Friday." We had 2008 year round passes and I have determined it is possible to get too much of a good thing. Sorry Mickey.
4. The pure house envy desperation injected into young SoCal couples is so real, you can taste it. I remember realizing one day while living there that even if someone gave me a nice house, I would not even be able to pay the property tax and insurance. Hang in there you guys. 1100 sq ft 2 bedroom apartments are kind of cool when you think about it?
3. Stingrays. Let's just say my right big toe had a vicious run in. Words cannot describe the pain. Jellyfish ain't got nothing on those guys.
2. The lack of fountain drinks at gas stations. I am sorry but Utah had got this one in the bag. I walk into a local Maverick and have a 28 wall bank of every kind of soda, juice, sports drink, and energy drink under the sun along with complimentary flavor squirters (I am choosing to ignore the demographic implications of this business success in Utah). The best LA had to offer was a choice of six incorrect syrup to soda water ratio coke products at the 711.
1. Female Asian drivers. I know I am treading in dangerous generalized stereotype waters here. BUT I swear I get jacked twice a day by some random car. As I drive up to perform the standard inspection of the offender I think to myself,
"Please don't be a an asian lady...
literally anyone else...
please don't be an asian lady...
don't feed my ignorant stereotype...
Plea....
Ugh it's an Asian lady."
sidenote: forgive me. this personal stereotype began during a traumatic Cheesecake Factory outing where I was boxed out and verbally assaulted by a woman while waiting in line. She got in my face like Jet Li on Jackie Chan. Be patient with me as I work through it.
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14 comments:
Amen to all of the above. I definitely don't judge you for the asian lady comment, I remember when you had to help one start her jaguar because she didn't know how. However Best Doughnuts is a two edged sword my friend. They are so so delicious how can you say they are bad? But I do recall a tale of you sitting in the parking lot alone scarfing some down like a lonely fat girl in high school. "sob! oh sweet sweet crueller, you understand me and my pain. sob!"
Great. Now I want a crueller...and it's a mere 5 minutes away. Good thing Hamilton is down for a nap. I already resisted a Costco churro (saw people from the ward...couldn't make the purchase in front of them).
I hate the cell phone law because it has made driving more dangerous (people texting, concentrating on talking while not looking like they're talking) or more geeky (Alex banned from wearing bluetooth inside the house--Star Trek not a turn-on for me).
Well, I'd better dash...I've got to go get a winter coat. It's seriously like 64 here.
i agree with everything except DISNEYLAND!!! i could live there. i would also like to add to your list that customer service in california is a JOKE!!!! it doesn't matter where, resturants, pharmacies, gas stations...it sucks.
forgot to add....the DOGS!! totally bugs me as well. my favorite is getting dirty looks from dog owners when they see i have kids....skewed.
Too Funny. So true!
I have a crueller in my belly. I hate you.
jacko: well done on the early comment. and it wasn't a jaguar but a pimped out cadillac sports car. I have no idea what story you are refering to?
kalex: i loved the phone on his hip in your family pics... classic!
i hope your crueller was delicious.
kings: you're right customer service would be number 11.
Shelly: you're a good sport being a true Californian.
Oh my gosh!! I can't stop laughing. You are so funny! I love it! I totally agree with you on everything except Disneyland. I'm so sad we didn't get to see you guys! We won't give up!!
Top 5 things about California that I love:
1. The education system. We rank 47th in the nation. DANG we're good!
2. If I wanted to live in Mexico, I would have moved to Mexico.
3. Taxes. If good ol' Arnold gets his way, sales tax in LA County will be at 10.5%
4. The economy. We're the 7th largest economy in the world, but yet we're pleading to the government to help bail us out of our financial crisis. How does that work? I guess the guys at Ford, GM, and Chrysler have been running our state.
5. Gay day at Disneyland. Yep, every homosexual across the land gets to come to the "happiest place on earth" to demonstrate their PDA. I guess that's why they call it "gay" day.
My Southern California childhood was idyllic in many respects, even though I always longed for a nice little place in Utah where I could have horses and be close to fly fishing streams. Whenever I go back to visit, I enjoy myself, but tend to feel a little hemmed in after about five days.
My favorite recent So Cal experiences are #1 taking a LONG (almost 4-hour) walk with pregnant Kate, Alex, and Delys along the beach the evening before Hamilton was born and #2 a week-long family reunion with Delys's family at the beach in Balboa and #3 having dinner at a creperie near the beach with Kate, Alex, and Delys and speaking French with the staff.
It seems I like the beach lifestyle. Maybe that's why my mom refused to allow me to try surfing--she feared I would become a beach bum.
this post is comforting for me. The first snow fall represent the beginning of my annual "I wish I lived Southern California" season. Fresh produce all year, no snow blowers, disneyland churros...sometimes it seems the place is celestial. Thank you for bringing it down.
Trav unfortunately your #10 is #1 on my favorite things. So much so that the fine immigrants at SuperB doughnuts no me by name and still recognize me after i buzz the fro. "you want bear craw o ham n chee"
don't get Kay started on your #1 I thought I was the racist when we got married and how dare you knock our winters last night we slept with out a fan on it was that cool. I still slept on top of the covers but it was cool.
I just realized my comments would make more sense if i used punctuation.
i love this blog. So true for all of it. I really want a donut now. That place is the devil
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